Last week, I hit an extremely important milestone for me. I paid off a debt. Big deal, you ask? Aren’t you paying off a bunch of debts. Well, yes I am. I am tackling more than just negative numbers on a page. I’m tackling the emotional burden of debt. A mine is frickin’ heavy.
The Lady’s Backstory
In late 2015, I moved to Scottsdale, AZ as part of a strategic plan to eventually return to southern California for personal reasons. I went to Arizona with the clear knowledge that I would know no one and it would be a foreign land. I had a job lined up but that was it. To others, I spoke of how the move would be “growthful” or a “good personal challenge”. I positioned it as a “transition”, a stop along the way to my future.
Long story short. Arizona was an epic fail.
I was miserable and lonely. I had no car. My job was very stressful and isolating. It was super hot. I tried dating, unsuccessfully. I didn’t even try to make friends. I clung desperately to the relationships I had from home. I smoke. I drank. I was depressed. I acted out. And, not undeservingly so, I got fired after three months.
I had nothing saved. I had no emergency funds. Without any plan, backup, or sense of self, I flailed around, lashing out at those who offered help and ignoring those that might. I was stuck. I couldn’t afford to go and I couldn’t afford to stay. I was a red-hot mess.
It was my personal rock bottom.
The Lady’s Moment of Acceptance
Fast forward a few months to February 2016. I took a few deep breaths, sucked it up, and swallowed my pride. I broke my lease, acknowledged the requisite fee, and set up a payment plan. I accepted money from the one man I’ve hurt the most. I moved in with friends in California. I started to rebuild.
Most surprising, with this most humble of fresh beginnings, I felt for the first time a true sense of responsibility to clean up my own financial mess. That acceptance of accountability was a true transformational moment for me. It pushed me onto the path I travel today.
So, last week, I officially paid off my early lease termination fee and months ago I paid off my debt to a friend. With all of my financial obligations of the Arizona debacle behind me, I feel amazingly free. I’ve carried the burden and am now allowed to put it down and walk away. And it feels amazing!
The Lady’s #2 Goal
It’s no surprise, I suppose, that my Goal #2 is titled “Eliminate the Crushing Burden of Debt.” Because, to me, that is what debt is…crushing.
Paying off debt isn’t easy and it isn’t fun. However, I feel it’s an essential step to living a profitable life. One could even say it is “growthful” and a “good personal challenge.”
Today, I’m one happy Lady. And, nothing personal Arizona but you can go suck it. It’s California Dreamin’ for me.