“Men should be more like Pandora.”
This from a very sassy married friend. At the time, it was just a welcome bit of girl humor. But the truth is, dating in your 40s is tough. So in an attempt to have some fun, I’ll explore this whole joke a bit deeper. Maybe there’s something to it. ‘Cause, hey. Not gonna lie. Romance and love are a huge part of a profitable life.
What Do You Want When You’re Dating In Your 40s?
First and foremost, Pandora is smart enough to put the woman in charge. Men should just let women be at the controls at all time. It just works better for everyone when women are the boss. (HAHA, I know this is complete bullshit but it’s funny.)
Ok, seriously. Pandora prompts you to create your own music channel, usually using one song, artist, or genre as a starting point. For me, this is similar to a man asking the woman on a first date. It’s his ask to make but if he’s a gentleman he’ll ask for the woman’s input on how the date should play out.
So, well done, Pandora. Thank you for asking my input. You’re sweet. How about coffee?
Next, Pandora takes that initial input and then offers up suggestions that fall in line. For example, if I enter Fleetwood Mac as input, Pandora is clever enough to not offer me Megadeath in return. Men could take some lessons here. If a girl is a bit reserved on a first date, take a breath and reel yourself in a bit. If she’s touchy-feely, return her affection. Both women and men should gauge a date’s behavior and adjust accordingly. I’m not saying to not be yourself, or act disingenuously. Just try to find a shared rhythm with the person across the table with you.
Oh, and hey Pandora, I understand that gauging your behavior off mine can be tough. Thanks for making the effort. You’re cool.
Pandora also understands that women have different musical personalities. For example, my FUCK IT (heavy metal) channel lives right next to my CHILL OUT (relaxing ballads) and my LIL BIT COUNTRY channel is aways waiting in the wings. Pandora doesn’t freak out if I want to switch channels a billion times a day. Channels are like a woman’s moods. Pandora doesn’t freak out. He just rolls with it.
But the very best thing about Pandora is his love of feedback. While he does his best to deliver what I want, he acknowledges that he won’t always get it spot on. So, what does he do? He simply asks “thumbs up” or “thumbs down.” He’s doesn’t pester me every moment but sits ready to take the feedback.
I love that about you, Pandora, I really do.
And get this!!! He doesn’t just ask for and accept feedback, he alters his behavior immediately! You want to skip this part? OK. Done. You want to put things on pause for a bit. You got it, sweetie.
Oh, Pandora. You make my heart skip a beat!
While I do love all these things about Pandora, upon further contemplation, it turns out I don’t want to date Pandora after all. Could some guys take a few lessons from Pandora? Hell, yes.
I asked a guy last night “Do you believe in chivalry?” He responded “Yes, I believe in it to a degree. Why do you ask?”
My response? “I just think some men forget that women like to be pursued with respect.” (Of course, this mature conversation was interrupted with questions about my preference for anal sex. But, hey, we are all just human, right?)
I want to date someone who is real, who challenges me, and teaches me new things. Someone who has his own passions and dislikes. I don’t need everything the way I want it all the time. We don’t always have to agree.
Some say that relationships are all about compromise. I find that conclusion negative and depressing. I’d prefer to think of relationships as a mutual exploration; enjoying old favorites, seeking out new sounds, building new channels together (or separately), and respecting each other’s “thumbs down” when they happen.
But hey, Pandora. Don’t go too far. I might need you!
So, hey. How you doin’? Any single guys out there up for a little Pandora and chill? Dating in your 40s can be challenging? Any good dating stories to share?
NOTE: This post was originally posted on June 12, 2015 on my previous blog site.